Private communications

[foolishjustice]

Moshi moshi!

Comments

6/15

[makejapangreat]

Good afternoon, Akechi. I was wondering when you'd like for me to help you with your trauma again. No pressure, of course. You're free to go at your own speed. Or stop altogether if you want. Not that I think you would.

[foolishjustice]

Shido, you're rambling. But I was thinking of trying about once a week.

[makejapangreat]

[A bit of a pause before this one comes through.]

Sorry.
Once a week sounds reasonable. Did you want to do it today, or would another day work better?

[foolishjustice]

It's fine.

Today works well enough. I'll meet you outside in a few minutes.

[makejapangreat]

Does the Sakura Grove sound good to you?

[foolishjustice]

It sounds like the best we'll get without going all the way to the forest. It's hot enough out there in the shade.

[makejapangreat]

Agreed. Maybe after we do this a few more times, we could move indoors.

[foolishjustice]

That can be our short-term goal. It might set me back a bit, going from an open space to indoors, but it is something I'll have to deal with one way or another.

And I'm less likely to end up extra exhausted from dehydration if there's air conditioning.

[makejapangreat]

Make sure to stay hydrated then, and don't push yourself too hard.

[And with that, Shido is going out the grove as a lion. Out here, Kurama's scent is particularly prevalent... and it smells, well. Perhaps just a tad unsettling? He supposes it's natural, given what Kurama is...

His ears flick when he hears footsteps, but he doesn't turn. Will Goro be too nervous if he's standing up? He should probably remain lying until Akechi's made some significant progress, right?

So... flop.]

[foolishjustice]

[As soon as Shido comes into view, Goro freezes. He knew what he was walking into, but still his face pales and instincts scream at him to run...but no. No. The stubborn will rises up immediately, and he plants his feet firmly on the ground. Scared as he is, he's not going anywhere.]

[makejapangreat]

[He can hear Goro come to a halt, and gently blows some air out of his nose. It's not... terribly surprising that this is so difficult for him, is it? ... but it is, perhaps, surprising that he would let Shido see him like this, vulnerable and afraid, and trust him not to misuse his power to reinforce his trauma and frighten him even more.

It's still there, honestly— that desire to want to make him feel safe. To be safety for him, so that he had something he could feel secure with even in a scary situation. Granted, he can't be that right now, because right now he's being the thing that scares him... but could he be that, anyway?

Hah. It's not as if a lion could do any damage to him to begin with, right? Because of those Personas... Shido would be more at risk than Akechi would. Perhaps, in some ways— he would never get to play that role.

Because he gave it up nineteen years ago.]

[foolishjustice]

[The urge to flee is still strong, and he almost takes a step back before steadying himself. He won't run, he refuses.

After a deep breath and repeating to himself over and over that nothing an ordinary lion can do, even with the mind of a human, could hurt him, he at least manages to push down the panic. Unfortunately, despite managing to regain control of his emotions, his legs seem to be locked in place, too tense to move.]

[makejapangreat]

[He notices that Goro hasn't started advancing yet, and it hurts something deep within him to see that he's struggling this much. If he still doesn't try to advance after a minute, perhaps they should take a moment to just let him calm down...]

[foolishjustice]

[It's just as Shido's thinking that, that Goro finally gets his feet to move. It's hesitant, clearly nervous, but he slowly starts to inch closer. He did need a moment, but he's managed to keep his head straight long enough to get his feet working again.]

[makejapangreat]

[Even at this distance, he can hear the soft movement of feet, and feels a little pride well within him. He's so stubborn and persistent... even in the face of a terrible phobia. He truly is strong, isn't he?

As a bug buzzes by his ear, it gives a little flick... but otherwise? He's lying perfectly still, not even fidgeting in his spot.]

[foolishjustice]

[After a few seconds of movement, he stops, the shorter distance between them setting alarm bells off all over again. The impulse to back away hits, but he pushes it aside. If he can't stay calm, he can at least stand his ground...as long as he stays in control of his reactions, he'll be able to fight if needed, right?]

[makejapangreat]

[He's stopped again... he seems to be making progress less quickly than before. Shido hardly feels impatient, but he does worry that Goro is pushing himself far too hard. He lets out a small huff of a breath. At least give yourself adequate time to calm down before you move forward again... He doesn't want you stressing yourself out so badly you get an ulcer...]

[foolishjustice]

[The stop, at least, seems to be more of a hesitation. After a brief pause, he starts forward again, slightly more confident than before. Perhaps a bit too confident, as he comes to an abrupt halt when he fully registers that he's gotten closer again. He's not as close as he got last time, but maybe that's what helps him shrug off the urge to flee without so much of a backwards twitch.

Maybe he is moving forward more slowly, but he can at least take pride in the fact that he hasn't given up ground even once.]

[makejapangreat]

[Granted, you know, Shido hasn't sneezed yet.

Seems like today is proving to be a sneeze-free day so far, though. Either way, he continues to be fond of his son's tenacity... though it hurts a little, now that he knows him, to think about how much he's missed out on. Goro and Kishi weren't the only ones he deprived of happy lives when he made the decision to cut them out of his life forever.

He wants to be hopeful, to look forward to the future, but the scars he's made on Goro are numerous and deep. Even when he tries not to be hostile towards Shido, he cannot help it at times. Shido's patience for him feels endless now because of how much he cares for him. And still... the reminders of his past sins cut like a knife.

... why is it whenever he's left alone to think, his thoughts become so depressing...]

[foolishjustice]

[A shake of his head helps him fight down the panic, and he looks at Shido with the sort of burning determination he had close to the end last time. When he steps forward again, it's with even less hesitation than before, closing twice the distance he has each time before.

But he got too ambitious. As soon as the moment of stubborn passes, it fully hits him that he's closer than he got last time, and he immediately scrambles back, slowing and then solidly planting his feet when he reaches the point he'd been at before he started moving. With the recovered distance, though, he also seems to regain his composure. It's frustrating, to gain so much ground and then immediately lose it...but he has gotten closer than he did last time.

He's making progress.]

[makejapangreat]

[Oh— he hears him making progress...! He doesn't move of course...

Well, right up until that scrambling. He rolls onto his stomach and looks over at Goro, eyes filled with alarm and concern alike.

What happened???]

[foolishjustice]

[The movement makes him start, almost taking another step back...before he plants his feet again. There's an extended moment of alarm, where a less stubborn person might have called it quits...but if the thought ever crosses his mind, it's dismissed out of hand. He's not giving up further away than he ended last time.

That thought and a deep breath help him recover a shaky composure, and he edges forward again. He's still visibly nervous, but doesn't seem willing to let it stop him.]

[makejapangreat]

[When he startles, Shido instantly lowers his head almost instinctively to the ground to... hopefully seem less intimidating? He watches the teen for a moment, taking in his frightened composure...

... it's.. not a whole lot unlike how Goro used to be around him, huh...?

... heh. He really needs to stop thinking like this.

He goes back to lying on his side, since that seems to be the least intimidating pose for Goro at the moment.]

[foolishjustice]

[Maybe his nerves have had enough. He balks again at the movement, and while it at first looks like he's going to stand his ground, a moment passes and he starts backing up. Again he slows and stops, but it seems he's still struggling to calm back down. The thought enters his mind that maybe he should call that enough for the day, but he stubbornly tosses it aside.

If he's going to quit, it should be while he's ahead, like last time...right?]

[makejapangreat]

[Shido can hear those desperate deep breaths, and that, combined with what he saw and heard of him earlier...

He turns back into a human and sits up.]

Akechi... let's take a short break. You're pushing yourself far too hard. Don't forget, this is only your second time doing this.