[It takes, perhaps, a full minute for the answer, but then:]
I'm so sorry for losing my temper earlier, Akechi. I should have been more considerate of how it might've affected you. I was so angry when I realized I'd been manipulated, but that's no excuse for letting my anger get the best of me. I should be better than that now.
[Goro's already there, having wanted to commit to this conversation before his nerves got the better of him. He's sitting at one of the tables, in plain view of the door, doodling vague lines of something that isn't even sure what it's trying to be on a piece of paper.]
[It's as he makes his way over to Akechi that he notices him drawing, small, quick movements that seem to be filled with nervous energy. And he can tell by his body language, too...
He draws in a breath, then walks over and takes a seat across the table from Akechi and folds his hands in front of him.]
Akechi... I want you to know, even if I could do anything to you, even if I somehow gain that power to do so... I will never lay a hand on you or threaten you.
[Those movements slow to a stop as Shido approaches, turning into idle flicking and simple twirling motions as he turns more of his attention to the coming conversation.]
I know. That's what made my reaction earlier so damn embarrassing...I can tell myself over and over that I'm safe, but it doesn't matter.
[He stops twirling the pencil to grip it in his hand, resting his fist palm down on the sheet of paper.]
The simple truth of it is, no matter what I consciously know, my emotional and instinctive responses haven't caught up with the change yet.
[He takes a breath, closing his eyes for a moment to compose his thoughts. When he opens them, he's not quite looking directly at him, but his posture is more awkward than hesitant.]
But it can start improvement. It's going to take time, before my instinctive reactions match my conscious knowledge, but there has been a change already.
[And thankfully, Akira manages to miss Shido walking off.
She's coming back from the library and when she notices-- wait are those wings?
It takes her getting a bit closer to see the ponytail and identify that as Goro and that... has her worried. So, immediately she's going to the kitchen and about fifteen minutes later, she's returning with a plate of freshly baked chocolate cookies.]
[The smell of cookies is enough to get him to peek back between his feathers. He doesn't lower the wing entirely, but there is enough space between his parted feathers to confirm it's him. If she leans in to look through the gap herself, she'll see that he's curled up, with something dark held tightly in his arms.]
[He does lower his wing now, unfolding it from around his shoulder. The thing in his arms, apparently, is a plush crow that he returns to his inventory as he holds his arm out to Akira.]
[And with that, she scoots closer in order to wrap her arms around him.
She doesn't say anything for the time being, she'll wait until they've settled into the hug or until Goro says something, whichever of those comes first.]
When it occurs to her that it's more of a cling than a hug, she tightens her embrace a little, one hand dipping down a little to start rubbing his back.]
Shido and I were talking about the Metaverse, and I told him about the being influencing events. Even he had been manipulated, and he was understandably angry, but...
[The chuckle he gives is...very much not stable. In fact, it might remind Akira of the way Fox would laugh when under stress...]
All those years, all the times he would yell, remind me that I was powerless in the real world, and he could easily have me killed...it got to me. I saw him so angry he couldn't even hear what I was saying, and...I know he wasn't mad at me, and that he couldn't do anything even if he was, but I still acted like a scared fucking kid.
[... Yeah, she remembers that exact sort of laugh from Yuuko. It makes her tighten her hug a bit as she listens to the explanation.]
... He was threatening you? [... She really wants to get angry about that, but she stops herself--just put that away for later. Be angry about that later. Comforting Goro is her top priority right now. Which is why she slowly sucks in a breath before she starts talking.]
... Ingrained emotional responses are hard to stop, even after circumstances have changed. [Hahaha, doesn't she know it. Still, she'll start rubbing small circles into his back, closing her eyes.] It's nothing to be ashamed of that your heart hasn't caught up to your brain that way. You had a legitimate reason to be scared of that and not having shaken it... that's okay. It's something relatively recent versus how long he'd been threatening you.
You think I would have committed the murders if he wasn't? I didn't even know the name of his other assassin, I was just told to call him the Cleaner.
[He takes a shaky breath, eyes squinting shut.]
It feels ridiculous, being afraid of him when the only reason he's even still alive is because I let myself be convinced not to put even more blood on my hands in the forest.
Still largely in the dark about this stuff, remember? [Still, it's a fair point. She's rubbing larger circles now...]
Maybe, but... [... She lets out a small noise of discomfort.] ... just because you're definitely safe from something doesn't make the emotional damage it caused you go away. Being safe from someone... doesn't necessarily mean they don't scare you anymore, regardless of how much power you might have over them now or how far away they are...
[... it's entirely possible she's speaking from experience.]
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Date: 2018-07-15 02:48 am (UTC)[He pauses to swallow, wings shifting with the motion of his body.]
I think I want to be alone, at...least until I calm down.
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Date: 2018-07-15 02:52 am (UTC)...alright. I'm sorry.
[He gets to a stand, looking at that wing for a few more seconds.]
...just message me, later on, if you still want to continue the lesson tonight.
[And with that? He's going to walk off.]
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Date: 2018-07-15 03:05 am (UTC)We should talk about what happened earlier.
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Date: 2018-07-15 03:17 am (UTC)I'm so sorry for losing my temper earlier, Akechi. I should have been more considerate of how it might've affected you. I was so angry when I realized I'd been manipulated, but that's no excuse for letting my anger get the best of me. I should be better than that now.
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Date: 2018-07-15 03:31 am (UTC)[There's a faint delay before the next message.]
It's my reaction I wanted to talk about.
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Date: 2018-07-15 03:54 am (UTC)Of course.
Where do you want to talk?
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Date: 2018-07-15 04:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 03:08 pm (UTC)[And sure enough, he'll make his way down to the library...]
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Date: 2018-07-15 03:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 04:08 pm (UTC)He draws in a breath, then walks over and takes a seat across the table from Akechi and folds his hands in front of him.]
Akechi... I want you to know, even if I could do anything to you, even if I somehow gain that power to do so... I will never lay a hand on you or threaten you.
I don't ever want to hurt you again.
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Date: 2018-07-15 04:22 pm (UTC)I know. That's what made my reaction earlier so damn embarrassing...I can tell myself over and over that I'm safe, but it doesn't matter.
[He stops twirling the pencil to grip it in his hand, resting his fist palm down on the sheet of paper.]
The simple truth of it is, no matter what I consciously know, my emotional and instinctive responses haven't caught up with the change yet.
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Date: 2018-07-15 04:39 pm (UTC)Two months can't fix two and a half years.
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Date: 2018-07-15 04:50 pm (UTC)[He takes a breath, closing his eyes for a moment to compose his thoughts. When he opens them, he's not quite looking directly at him, but his posture is more awkward than hesitant.]
But it can start improvement. It's going to take time, before my instinctive reactions match my conscious knowledge, but there has been a change already.
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Date: 2018-07-15 05:14 pm (UTC)I'm sure you'll overcome it in time.
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From:sliiiiiiiiiiiides in here
Date: 2018-07-15 03:36 am (UTC)She's coming back from the library and when she notices-- wait are those wings?
It takes her getting a bit closer to see the ponytail and identify that as Goro and that... has her worried. So, immediately she's going to the kitchen and about fifteen minutes later, she's returning with a plate of freshly baked chocolate cookies.]
... Akechi-kun...
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Date: 2018-07-15 03:43 am (UTC)Sorry, I must look ridiculous...
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Date: 2018-07-15 03:50 am (UTC)She sets the plate down as she considers something, and then--]
... do you want a hug?
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Date: 2018-07-15 03:59 am (UTC)[He does lower his wing now, unfolding it from around his shoulder. The thing in his arms, apparently, is a plush crow that he returns to his inventory as he holds his arm out to Akira.]
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Date: 2018-07-15 04:05 am (UTC)She doesn't say anything for the time being, she'll wait until they've settled into the hug or until Goro says something, whichever of those comes first.]
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Date: 2018-07-15 04:12 am (UTC)...Thank you.
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Date: 2018-07-15 04:17 am (UTC)When it occurs to her that it's more of a cling than a hug, she tightens her embrace a little, one hand dipping down a little to start rubbing his back.]
Can I ask what happened?
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Date: 2018-07-15 04:44 am (UTC)[The chuckle he gives is...very much not stable. In fact, it might remind Akira of the way Fox would laugh when under stress...]
All those years, all the times he would yell, remind me that I was powerless in the real world, and he could easily have me killed...it got to me. I saw him so angry he couldn't even hear what I was saying, and...I know he wasn't mad at me, and that he couldn't do anything even if he was, but I still acted like a scared fucking kid.
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Date: 2018-07-15 04:53 am (UTC)... He was threatening you? [... She really wants to get angry about that, but she stops herself--just put that away for later. Be angry about that later. Comforting Goro is her top priority right now. Which is why she slowly sucks in a breath before she starts talking.]
... Ingrained emotional responses are hard to stop, even after circumstances have changed. [Hahaha, doesn't she know it. Still, she'll start rubbing small circles into his back, closing her eyes.] It's nothing to be ashamed of that your heart hasn't caught up to your brain that way. You had a legitimate reason to be scared of that and not having shaken it... that's okay. It's something relatively recent versus how long he'd been threatening you.
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Date: 2018-07-15 05:19 am (UTC)[He takes a shaky breath, eyes squinting shut.]
It feels ridiculous, being afraid of him when the only reason he's even still alive is because I let myself be convinced not to put even more blood on my hands in the forest.
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Date: 2018-07-15 05:35 am (UTC)Maybe, but... [... She lets out a small noise of discomfort.] ... just because you're definitely safe from something doesn't make the emotional damage it caused you go away. Being safe from someone... doesn't necessarily mean they don't scare you anymore, regardless of how much power you might have over them now or how far away they are...
[... it's entirely possible she's speaking from experience.]
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