When it occurs to her that it's more of a cling than a hug, she tightens her embrace a little, one hand dipping down a little to start rubbing his back.]
Shido and I were talking about the Metaverse, and I told him about the being influencing events. Even he had been manipulated, and he was understandably angry, but...
[The chuckle he gives is...very much not stable. In fact, it might remind Akira of the way Fox would laugh when under stress...]
All those years, all the times he would yell, remind me that I was powerless in the real world, and he could easily have me killed...it got to me. I saw him so angry he couldn't even hear what I was saying, and...I know he wasn't mad at me, and that he couldn't do anything even if he was, but I still acted like a scared fucking kid.
[... Yeah, she remembers that exact sort of laugh from Yuuko. It makes her tighten her hug a bit as she listens to the explanation.]
... He was threatening you? [... She really wants to get angry about that, but she stops herself--just put that away for later. Be angry about that later. Comforting Goro is her top priority right now. Which is why she slowly sucks in a breath before she starts talking.]
... Ingrained emotional responses are hard to stop, even after circumstances have changed. [Hahaha, doesn't she know it. Still, she'll start rubbing small circles into his back, closing her eyes.] It's nothing to be ashamed of that your heart hasn't caught up to your brain that way. You had a legitimate reason to be scared of that and not having shaken it... that's okay. It's something relatively recent versus how long he'd been threatening you.
You think I would have committed the murders if he wasn't? I didn't even know the name of his other assassin, I was just told to call him the Cleaner.
[He takes a shaky breath, eyes squinting shut.]
It feels ridiculous, being afraid of him when the only reason he's even still alive is because I let myself be convinced not to put even more blood on my hands in the forest.
Still largely in the dark about this stuff, remember? [Still, it's a fair point. She's rubbing larger circles now...]
Maybe, but... [... She lets out a small noise of discomfort.] ... just because you're definitely safe from something doesn't make the emotional damage it caused you go away. Being safe from someone... doesn't necessarily mean they don't scare you anymore, regardless of how much power you might have over them now or how far away they are...
[... it's entirely possible she's speaking from experience.]
[If those circles get wide enough, her hand will eventually brush up against the soft feathers covering the upper portion of his wings. It seems to be working, though, as his shoulders slowly start relaxing, and his arm around her loosens to a less desperate hold.]
I know, you're right. It's...been a work in progress, adjusting to who he is now, and the fact that he's not dangerous anymore. I'm...not as scared of him as I used to be, but this is the first time I've seen him angry since I got here...
Right...thank you. And I am feeling a bit better now. I...told him I needed to be alone, but maybe what I really needed was to talk to someone I really feel like I can trust.
[By the time she gets back, his wings are gone and he's sitting more normally on the couch with the first plate of cookies in his lap. He hasn't eaten all of them, but the pile is visibly reduced.]
That would be nice...but we'd also have to keep an eye out for chocolate. It seems a little unlikely that we'd find one pre-filled and clean enough to eat out of.
We'd have to be very lucky, yes. We're going to a city next, though, right? I'd say our chances of finding one and chocolate are better than they would've been with the last Fissure.
Depending on the state of what's there, anyway. But as long as there's no particularly destructive wildlife, the nonperishables should still be usable.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2018-07-15 04:17 am (UTC)When it occurs to her that it's more of a cling than a hug, she tightens her embrace a little, one hand dipping down a little to start rubbing his back.]
Can I ask what happened?
no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 04:44 am (UTC)[The chuckle he gives is...very much not stable. In fact, it might remind Akira of the way Fox would laugh when under stress...]
All those years, all the times he would yell, remind me that I was powerless in the real world, and he could easily have me killed...it got to me. I saw him so angry he couldn't even hear what I was saying, and...I know he wasn't mad at me, and that he couldn't do anything even if he was, but I still acted like a scared fucking kid.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 04:53 am (UTC)... He was threatening you? [... She really wants to get angry about that, but she stops herself--just put that away for later. Be angry about that later. Comforting Goro is her top priority right now. Which is why she slowly sucks in a breath before she starts talking.]
... Ingrained emotional responses are hard to stop, even after circumstances have changed. [Hahaha, doesn't she know it. Still, she'll start rubbing small circles into his back, closing her eyes.] It's nothing to be ashamed of that your heart hasn't caught up to your brain that way. You had a legitimate reason to be scared of that and not having shaken it... that's okay. It's something relatively recent versus how long he'd been threatening you.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 05:19 am (UTC)[He takes a shaky breath, eyes squinting shut.]
It feels ridiculous, being afraid of him when the only reason he's even still alive is because I let myself be convinced not to put even more blood on my hands in the forest.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 05:35 am (UTC)Maybe, but... [... She lets out a small noise of discomfort.] ... just because you're definitely safe from something doesn't make the emotional damage it caused you go away. Being safe from someone... doesn't necessarily mean they don't scare you anymore, regardless of how much power you might have over them now or how far away they are...
[... it's entirely possible she's speaking from experience.]
no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 07:13 am (UTC)I know, you're right. It's...been a work in progress, adjusting to who he is now, and the fact that he's not dangerous anymore. I'm...not as scared of him as I used to be, but this is the first time I've seen him angry since I got here...
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Date: 2018-07-15 07:21 am (UTC)So the shock must not have helped.
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Date: 2018-07-15 07:43 am (UTC)[He sighs and shakes his head.]
It probably didn't help that we'd just been working on my phobia, either...
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Date: 2018-07-15 07:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 07:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 07:58 am (UTC)[After a few moments of silence, an alarm on her phone goes off.]
--Ah! That's the other batch of cookies I have in the oven... I'll be right back, okay?
no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 08:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 08:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 08:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 08:37 am (UTC)Although, hm, the wings are gone. That's interesting.]
I have to say, I'm glad this particular recipe's a hit with you.
[She's going to have to keep an eye out for cocoa powder in the next Fissure.]
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Date: 2018-07-15 08:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 09:03 am (UTC)[She's got to look up more recipes with those, she swears.]
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Date: 2018-07-15 09:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 09:16 am (UTC)... But chocolate-covered is pretty close, I think. [Punctuated with a sagely nod!]
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Date: 2018-07-15 09:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 09:27 am (UTC)[She's going to be looking, that's for sure.]
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Date: 2018-07-15 09:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 09:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-07-15 03:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-07-17 05:39 am (UTC)I guess we'll see when we get there. I have to admit... I'm looking forward to it.
[It probably helps she's expecting things this time.]
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