[Not that it stops him from covering Akira's hand with his own. He finally scoots over to close the distance between them, so he can rest his head on his lover's shoulder.]
[ Those words and that hand -- that combination has Akira's entire body relaxing, almost instantly. He doesn't hesitate to slowly let his hand lower, and then move back to rest against the side of Goro's head.
A tired smile surfaces as he combs his fingers through the detective's hair.
This is okay for now -- they're tired, they're coming down from some strong emotions... and... he can't deny that strong desire to comfort that lurks there. Guess... it's another part of those missing memories, combined with the bond, combined with... the obvious feelings that remain. ]
You deserve good things, you know...
[ There's a pause, and then he moves away just enough to begin tugging Goro into lying down with him. ]
I'm not sure how many others would agree with that, if they knew everything I've just told you...
[But for all his doubts, he can't deny that it's been a long day. He follows Akira's tugging to lay down, wrapping an arm tightly around Akira. He might be clinging a little bit, but he doesn't really care right now if he seems desperate.]
I am sorry I kept the truth from you. It was selfish of me, but I didn't want to risk destroying our bond.
While he does want to reassure Goro, he isn't going to speak for anyone else. Not to mention... he really doesn't have a clue, either.
Instead, he lets a hand return to the detective's head, fingers combing through his hair as he remains silent for a moment. ]
... I'm not exactly better than you, when it comes to keeping things to myself.
[ He quietly exhales. Heh... maybe it's his turn to finally, really open up just a little... ]
Wanna know a secret about me...?
[ His arms are wrapped around Goro firmly, mouth moving to momentarily press against the detective's forehead. ]
... I'm terrified.
[ A quiet laugh slips free within his next exhale. ]
When I'm fighting alongside my team... my friends... they're constantly diving in front of deadly blows meant for me. When I see them on the brinks of death... or... worse, see them lying there, not moving...
[ A quiet, bitter sound can be heard. ]
I get kind of pissed -- at myself, thinking if I'd just been stronger... it never would have happened. I become that much more determined to be this source of strength for people.
[ He swallows hard. ]
That's why... it hit me so hard. [ He forces his breaths to remain steady. ] Being here... feeling trapped... weak...
[ He's listing those words off, a bit of bitterness lacing the last one. ]
I hate feeling this way.
[ A quiet chuckle -- it's wry. ]
But, more than anything, right now...
[ One hand briefly clenches into a fist against Goro's back. ]
I'm afraid of losing more people... especially you. I'm afraid of not being able to save anyone here. That scares me way more than the thought of dying. And, if it came down to it...
It sounds like you're just that important to them. I know I would hate to see you seriously injured, and would do everything in my power to prevent it.
[A pause.]
Of course, that would be simpler if I could use my Personas. Loki has both Tetrakarn and Makarakarn. But since I can't, I guess I'll just have to protect you in more mundane ways.
[He runs a gloved hand through Akira's hair, then lets it trail down his neck and back.]
We won't let everyone here die. We're the devastating Akechi-Kurusu team, remember?
[ Hearing those initial words are both comforting and somehow frustrating. It's one thing to know that his friends -- people he cares so damn much about -- would do this... But, this particular thing is different. It brings a new kind of frustration, knowing his own boyfriend could get hurt doing the same thing, or even something similar.
The gloved hand sliding down his neck earns a brief shiver, but he focuses on the conversation for now. And that last part manages to catch him off-guard. (It feels like he said that so long ago.)
Akira's laugh slips through those cracks within the grim air surrounding him. He isn't able to reel it in before it manages to turn into something almost relieved, in spite of the underlying sounds -- worry, fear, regret...
It's short-lived, and it really doesn't do much for the feelings that still linger from everything they've endured. But it does do something for it. ]
... Thank you, Goro.
[ They'll get through this... and they will save as many people as they can. Everything that comes later, will be... dealt with then. ]
So... you're able to summon multiple Personas... [ a beat ] I thought I was the only one who could do that...
[Hearing Akira laugh is...relieving. He'd been dreading this conversation, terrified that it would mean an end to their short relationship, even ruin the friendship he'd worked so hard to build. But now...it doesn't feel so bad, to have the truth known. Akira is still here for him, still at ease around him. He hadn't even dared to hope things would turn out this well.
Then Akira brings up Personas, and a look of surprise flickers over his face.]
It's that unusual? I've never encountered another Persona user before you and the rest of the Phantom Thieves, so I hadn't thought much of it.
[ He's seen the good that does exist... and he thoroughly believes there's hope for Goro. It'll be a struggle, but it's one he's more than willing to fight alongside his boyfriend through. ]
Yeah.
[ He slides a hand through Goro's hair, leaning just enough that looking at him will be comfortable. ]
Morgana referred to me as a Wildcard. [ And... something else, but he can't... remember... ] Because I have the ability to negotiate with Shadows and obtain multiple Personas. I'm able to hold several within me and trade them out for new ones. That's the reason I was volunteered to be the leader.
[ He holds a blink. ]
Without Morgana... I don't think I would have learned any of those things.
[ How... did he really learn how to fully harness multiple Personas... ]
I can't remember all of the details on it, but I remember being able to regain the released Personas at will, and obtain some new ones without negotiating...
[ He sighs in resignation. ]
My initial Persona was named Arsene. What about yours?
I wouldn't necessarily say new. More along the lines of something I'd been feeling for a while reaching a tipping point.
[...Well, as long as he's being honest with Akira, he might as well...tell him what part of himself Loki comes from.]
You're very lucky, you know. For every Palace you enter, it seems like you make a new friend. You meet someone good to balance out everything twisted you just saw.
I wasn't so fortunate. Every Palace I saw was more evidence of our society's corruption, and I didn't see anything in the real world to counter my discoveries in the Metaverse. I...do still hold the pure desire for justice that led me to awaken to Robin Hood, but I guess you could say I've become more cynical. When that hatred for everything I'd seen represented in people's Shadows boiled over, that's when I heard Loki's voice for the first time.
[ It's not... a pleasant realization. In spite of how much he's always appreciated each person on his team, as well as the fact he was able to help save them, at all...
He's never... fully realized just how lucky he is to have them. It hadn't fully dawned on him until this very conversation. This very moment where it's actually sinking in. Being given powers beyond anything he's ever imagined... Holding that anger towards some of those power-hungry adults... Seeing just how corrupt people's hearts can become...
... He can't imagine himself ever killing, however... Goro Akechi himself likely hadn't been able to imagine killing anyone, years ago. So, after hearing those words, letting his own thoughts fully sink in... ]
... I can't say it never would have happened to me. [ His voice is just above a whisper. ] Before Ryuji and Morgana came into my life, I was angry...
[ There's a quiet exhale. ]
Granted, my anger really started after I wound up with a record...
[ A wry smirk tugs at his lips. ]
I was angry at being that guy everyone was whispering about in the hallways. At people being scared of me even though none of them knew the first thing about me. [ A quiet 'heh' slips out. ] And all because I tried to stop some drunk man from shoving a woman into the car...
[ The fingers of one hand brush through Goro's hair. ]
So... I don't think there's anything bad about winding up with two Personas from something like that. [ He manages a smile. ] It's actually kind of nice not being the only Wildcard...
[This is the first time he's heard the context behind Akira's assault conviction, and something about it rings familiar. It's not uncommon for him to have to distract his father from harassing women when he's drunk. But, he's sure there's a lot of other disgusting men out there who would do that.]
I'm glad I can give you that comfort, at least. Loki is rooted in a very dark part of my heart, so I don't make a habit of wearing his mask when I'm in public. His abilities are very useful, though. Especially since he has some powerful Almighty based attacks.
If I really am a member of the Phantom Thieves now, you already have. Granted, I was almost certainly holding back, since I doubt I was willing to admit to the depth of my experience in the Metaverse.
[He pulls closer to give Akira a kiss, albeit a brief one.]
Once we escape, I'll be sure to show you my full powers.
Hmm...speaking of which. I've been telling others I'm unfamiliar with the supernatural, but perhaps we ought to discuss how much we're willing to share about the truth.
I don't mind either. You were the only one here I expected to know the...significance of my own powers. I don't think letting them know will cause any problems for us.
After the assault charge, I kind of just wanted to become invisible. I thought, with something like those, I'd be able to just get through my probation with less eyes zeroing in on me.
I can certainly understand wanting to avoid notice sometimes. I've occasionally wound up hiding behind signs or landscaping in order to get a moment of peace to myself.
[And his profile admits for him that he usually likes attention.]
[ Ah... the profile does mention him not liking attention, but it also mentions... ]
I have no idea what I'd do with rabid fans stalking me...
[ He slides a hand down Goro's arm, fingers gently wrapping around the other young man's hand once his own reaches it. While interlocking their fingers, he makes a quiet, thoughtful sound. ]
Maybe once we're out, I can make some disguises for you to wear.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2017-12-05 06:37 am (UTC)[Not that it stops him from covering Akira's hand with his own. He finally scoots over to close the distance between them, so he can rest his head on his lover's shoulder.]
But I'm glad I have you.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-05 07:27 am (UTC)A tired smile surfaces as he combs his fingers through the detective's hair.
This is okay for now -- they're tired, they're coming down from some strong emotions... and... he can't deny that strong desire to comfort that lurks there. Guess... it's another part of those missing memories, combined with the bond, combined with... the obvious feelings that remain. ]
You deserve good things, you know...
[ There's a pause, and then he moves away just enough to begin tugging Goro into lying down with him. ]
no subject
Date: 2017-12-05 08:05 am (UTC)[But for all his doubts, he can't deny that it's been a long day. He follows Akira's tugging to lay down, wrapping an arm tightly around Akira. He might be clinging a little bit, but he doesn't really care right now if he seems desperate.]
I am sorry I kept the truth from you. It was selfish of me, but I didn't want to risk destroying our bond.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-05 08:37 am (UTC)While he does want to reassure Goro, he isn't going to speak for anyone else. Not to mention... he really doesn't have a clue, either.
Instead, he lets a hand return to the detective's head, fingers combing through his hair as he remains silent for a moment. ]
... I'm not exactly better than you, when it comes to keeping things to myself.
[ He quietly exhales. Heh... maybe it's his turn to finally, really open up just a little... ]
Wanna know a secret about me...?
[ His arms are wrapped around Goro firmly, mouth moving to momentarily press against the detective's forehead. ]
... I'm terrified.
[ A quiet laugh slips free within his next exhale. ]
When I'm fighting alongside my team... my friends... they're constantly diving in front of deadly blows meant for me. When I see them on the brinks of death... or... worse, see them lying there, not moving...
[ A quiet, bitter sound can be heard. ]
I get kind of pissed -- at myself, thinking if I'd just been stronger... it never would have happened. I become that much more determined to be this source of strength for people.
[ He swallows hard. ]
That's why... it hit me so hard. [ He forces his breaths to remain steady. ] Being here... feeling trapped... weak...
[ He's listing those words off, a bit of bitterness lacing the last one. ]
I hate feeling this way.
[ A quiet chuckle -- it's wry. ]
But, more than anything, right now...
[ One hand briefly clenches into a fist against Goro's back. ]
I'm afraid of losing more people... especially you. I'm afraid of not being able to save anyone here. That scares me way more than the thought of dying. And, if it came down to it...
[ ... ]
no subject
Date: 2017-12-05 09:15 am (UTC)[A pause.]
Of course, that would be simpler if I could use my Personas. Loki has both Tetrakarn and Makarakarn. But since I can't, I guess I'll just have to protect you in more mundane ways.
[He runs a gloved hand through Akira's hair, then lets it trail down his neck and back.]
We won't let everyone here die. We're the devastating Akechi-Kurusu team, remember?
no subject
Date: 2017-12-05 11:15 pm (UTC)The gloved hand sliding down his neck earns a brief shiver, but he focuses on the conversation for now. And that last part manages to catch him off-guard. (It feels like he said that so long ago.)
Akira's laugh slips through those cracks within the grim air surrounding him. He isn't able to reel it in before it manages to turn into something almost relieved, in spite of the underlying sounds -- worry, fear, regret...
It's short-lived, and it really doesn't do much for the feelings that still linger from everything they've endured. But it does do something for it. ]
... Thank you, Goro.
[ They'll get through this... and they will save as many people as they can. Everything that comes later, will be... dealt with then. ]
So... you're able to summon multiple Personas... [ a beat ] I thought I was the only one who could do that...
no subject
Date: 2017-12-06 12:59 am (UTC)Then Akira brings up Personas, and a look of surprise flickers over his face.]
It's that unusual? I've never encountered another Persona user before you and the rest of the Phantom Thieves, so I hadn't thought much of it.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-06 08:38 am (UTC)Yeah.
[ He slides a hand through Goro's hair, leaning just enough that looking at him will be comfortable. ]
Morgana referred to me as a Wildcard. [ And... something else, but he can't... remember... ] Because I have the ability to negotiate with Shadows and obtain multiple Personas. I'm able to hold several within me and trade them out for new ones. That's the reason I was volunteered to be the leader.
[ He holds a blink. ]
Without Morgana... I don't think I would have learned any of those things.
[ How... did he really learn how to fully harness multiple Personas... ]
I can't remember all of the details on it, but I remember being able to regain the released Personas at will, and obtain some new ones without negotiating...
[ He sighs in resignation. ]
My initial Persona was named Arsene. What about yours?
no subject
Date: 2017-12-06 09:03 am (UTC)Robin Hood. I do still use him now and then, although Loki is more powerful.
I didn't know it was possible to turn Shadows into new Personas, though. Both of mine were born from my own emotions.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-06 10:27 am (UTC)[ A pause. ]
It's usually after they beg for their life. You can negotiate with them to get items and money, as well.
[ Pretty cool stuff, this whole talking with Shadows thing... ]
Your emotions...?
[ He... does remember some of his teammates getting an evolved Persona after his bond with them strengthened to a powerful degree... but... ]
Do you mean you acquired Loki after a surge of new emotions...?
no subject
Date: 2017-12-06 07:18 pm (UTC)[...Well, as long as he's being honest with Akira, he might as well...tell him what part of himself Loki comes from.]
You're very lucky, you know. For every Palace you enter, it seems like you make a new friend. You meet someone good to balance out everything twisted you just saw.
I wasn't so fortunate. Every Palace I saw was more evidence of our society's corruption, and I didn't see anything in the real world to counter my discoveries in the Metaverse. I...do still hold the pure desire for justice that led me to awaken to Robin Hood, but I guess you could say I've become more cynical. When that hatred for everything I'd seen represented in people's Shadows boiled over, that's when I heard Loki's voice for the first time.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-07 02:49 am (UTC)He's never... fully realized just how lucky he is to have them. It hadn't fully dawned on him until this very conversation. This very moment where it's actually sinking in. Being given powers beyond anything he's ever imagined... Holding that anger towards some of those power-hungry adults... Seeing just how corrupt people's hearts can become...
... He can't imagine himself ever killing, however... Goro Akechi himself likely hadn't been able to imagine killing anyone, years ago. So, after hearing those words, letting his own thoughts fully sink in... ]
... I can't say it never would have happened to me. [ His voice is just above a whisper. ] Before Ryuji and Morgana came into my life, I was angry...
[ There's a quiet exhale. ]
Granted, my anger really started after I wound up with a record...
[ A wry smirk tugs at his lips. ]
I was angry at being that guy everyone was whispering about in the hallways. At people being scared of me even though none of them knew the first thing about me. [ A quiet 'heh' slips out. ] And all because I tried to stop some drunk man from shoving a woman into the car...
[ The fingers of one hand brush through Goro's hair. ]
So... I don't think there's anything bad about winding up with two Personas from something like that. [ He manages a smile. ] It's actually kind of nice not being the only Wildcard...
no subject
Date: 2017-12-07 04:09 am (UTC)I'm glad I can give you that comfort, at least. Loki is rooted in a very dark part of my heart, so I don't make a habit of wearing his mask when I'm in public. His abilities are very useful, though. Especially since he has some powerful Almighty based attacks.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-08 12:23 am (UTC)[ He pauses as his fingers brush against the side of Goro's face, a thoughtful look resting on his own. ]
Whenever one of the other thieves' Personas evolved, it became stronger and gave them new skills...
[ There's a soft, fond expression. ]
And the Personas I got from a new Palace or deeper parts of Mementos were always stronger, and they always came with stronger abilities.
[ His fingers brush over Goro's cheek, one corner of his lips lifting. ]
Gotta admit... I'm kind of eager to see you in action.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-08 12:43 am (UTC)[He pulls closer to give Akira a kiss, albeit a brief one.]
Once we escape, I'll be sure to show you my full powers.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-08 03:46 am (UTC)Guess that's a fair point, but doesn't help if I can't remember it right now.
[ He feigns a huff-like, dramatic pout of sorts... but then it's cracking back into a smile as he nods. ]
Deal.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-08 04:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-12-08 10:33 pm (UTC)[ A thoughtful hum. ]
Maybe even world...
[ He's seen a lot of sci-fi movies?? ]
no subject
Date: 2017-12-08 10:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-12-09 01:45 am (UTC)[ One of his hands is sliding forward a bit to idly twist Goro's hair as he leans to kiss his boyfriend's forehead. ]
Hm...
[ Since he's told him details on the assault charges, on how people looked at him... ]
You know... there's something else I've never told anyone...
[ He's sliding off his glasses. ]
... About how these were something I only started wearing after I switched schools.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-09 03:13 am (UTC)[He runs a finger over the round frames.]
They soften your features. Are they to make you look more harmless?
no subject
Date: 2017-12-09 04:09 am (UTC)Yeah... something like that.
[ A puff of a sigh is released. ]
After the assault charge, I kind of just wanted to become invisible. I thought, with something like those, I'd be able to just get through my probation with less eyes zeroing in on me.
[ He shrugs a shoulder, releasing a soft laugh. ]
It didn't exactly go as planned in some areas...
no subject
Date: 2017-12-09 05:14 am (UTC)[And his profile admits for him that he usually likes attention.]
no subject
Date: 2017-12-11 09:21 pm (UTC)I have no idea what I'd do with rabid fans stalking me...
[ He slides a hand down Goro's arm, fingers gently wrapping around the other young man's hand once his own reaches it. While interlocking their fingers, he makes a quiet, thoughtful sound. ]
Maybe once we're out, I can make some disguises for you to wear.